Elana, 22, NYC. Queer. White. Cis. In recovery (whatever that means.) Student. Intersectional, trans-inclusive feminist. She/her.

Sep 21


magic conch shell should i start my homework


the conch has spoken

(via therealistsview1)



Milk in cookie cup.




Milk in cookie cup.


(via foreveralone-lyguy)

i am pretty much 3% human and 97% stress

(via officialatlas)







The bodies of two Tampa teenagers were discovered Thursday morning on a roadside in Duval County.
Angelia Mangum, 19, and Tjhisha Ball, 18, were found about 1 a.m., according to law enforcement. A witness told Jacksonville news station WJAX the teenagers were bound with zip ties and lying on top of one another.
"Two witnesses were driving by and they saw bodies and they called 911," Sgt. T.K. Waters told news station WJXT.
Officers were dispatched to Sisson Drive, near the intersection of Main Street North and Clark Road.
Investigators suspect foul play and are trying to determine the causes of death.
"They were in an area where they would have been noticed, so I think it was fairly recently since they’d been left there,” Waters also told WJXT.
A medical examiner has taken the bodies to determine the cause of death.
"I just don’t understand what happened," Ball’s sister, Crystal Moore, said.
According to Moore, both women had been living in the Jacksonville area off and on for approximately a year and a half.
"I feel like sometimes that I failed," Ball’s mother, Jerlean Moore, said. "What could I have done? What could I have taught her better? It hurts…it really hurts."
It’s a pain that’s only worsened by the fact that no one has been caught.



let’s care just as much about black girls being murdered as we do about black boys. signal boost.

I didn’t hear anything about this on the news. RIP girls.

My hometown, too. :/

You didnt hear much about it because some media headlines stated “Two teenage strippers…” with a pic of their mugshots.

(via cakeandrevolution)

i am so tired. i saw chris last night and we spoke for the first time in 9 days and it was weird. thoughts and feelings. i tried to help hannah through her relapse last night and it didn’t work, but it’s ok. she’s going to be ok, i think. i made it to study hall. i’m beating myself up for taking too long on a short assignment, but i don’t really have that much else to do because i didn’t buy oedipus and i left my social work book at hannah’s since she was supposed to be here. (bad decision in retrospect, i should’ve realized she might not be here.) thoughts and feelings, thoughts and feelings ugh so many feelings. but they’re not intense. they’re just there. and now i am confused about chris, again, and mad at myself, again. amanda said that she thinks i’m in a place where i can move forward and start learning to really work on myself, as long as chris doesn’t come back. but if he starts chasing me down she thinks i’ll get sucked back in. but i guess he came back. what upsets me most is how he didn’t contact me for 9 days so he clearly doesn’t want to talk to me or see me (i believe he does but he was too anxious and scared and emotionally unavailable), but then i saw him and now he does want to talk to me. it’s clear that he’s scared and it’s clear that he likes me (has liked me? idk where we stand). and i’m sort of concerned about what’s going to happen next. but i’m also proud of myself for the progress i’ve made. realized that i’ve almost entirely switched up my meetings and i’m not particularly going to run into him. if i see him it’ll be him going out of his way to see me. but that’s also kind of letting him get off scot free, because he went to a meeting with hannah last night and i was going to meet her there for the next meeting, and he was basically going to run away right before i got there. but then she was crying and saying she was going to go to the bar so chris and i helped her. and when we saw each other it went well. but if that hadn’t happened he wouldn’t have contacted me. so what does that say about his priorities, his capabilities, his desires? it says that i shouldn’t allow him back into my life. this is ridiculous. but i do feel stronger and i’m proud of myself for being a good friend to hannah and starting to show up for people more in general. but also i am a fucking shitshow.

Sep 18

Finally unsubscribed from HRC emails!

Today was so incredibly painful and hard, I had a dream about him (again—every fucking night. Realizing how strong the unconscious is, especially in sobriety, and I can’t stand it. Just go away. I’m not even thinking about you in real life.) one week since contacting him and I could see him tonight at legal, if I go, and I’ll be panicking if I do go and panicking if I don’t. So much pain. And so much physical anxiety lately. So much dissociation. So much embarrassment and shame about needing support on this since I’m aware of how ridiculous I sound, but I am borderline and this type of thing has the power to flip my world upside down. So I sound like I’m whining about something stupid but in reality it creates complete chaos in my life and urges to do all types of things. Bad things. That’s not even what I wanted to write about but I needed to get something out before class starts. I didn’t do the readings, again. It took an hour and a half to get out of bed and then had a fucking panic attack over what to wear when I was already late. Spending half an hour near tears trying on outfits because I thought I looked fat (I’m not fat. There is nothing wrong with being fat and my freakout contrasts with my ideologies/values that I care so much about and I hate myself so much for that. That’s been happening so much lately. For the past few months lately. With the transphobic guy, and all the cis straight men saying and doing shitty things. And me putting up with it and actively hanging out with those people. And fat shaming myself and victim blaming myself.) class is starting and this is the second class in a row of this class I’ve almost burst into tears because I love this professor but don’t do the readings and I’m not ready and I’m so stressed and I’m going to break. I have no idea what he’s talking about but I want him to like me. He thinks I’m smart. I don’t think I’m smart.

(via queer-punk)

What people think recovery looks like vs. what it really looks like

(via ultimatecoolkid)

Sep 17




My roommate and his girlfriend got in the shower together and they’re… Talking about politics?

I was expecting to hear “OH GOD, HARDER,” not “George Washington was entirely correct in his prediction of what distinct parties would do to politics as a whole.”

Nope nevermind, there it is, apparently political debate is just their form of foreplay


(via taste-it-in-summer)


“what if the aborted baby could have cured cancer???”

oh my god what if the last egg I bled onto a kotex product could have cured cancer??

oh my god how am I not birthing every possible egg I produce, lest one of those resulting babies be the person who cures cancer/AIDS/creates world peace????

what if that baby could have been a musical artist described by pitchfork as “liberace with a metalcore twist”????

how dare i not be pregnant/birthing all the time always?????

(via imjustthatadorable)

“The world is full of nice people. If you can’t find one, be one.” Unknown (via psych-facts)

(via xxfemkeex)

Sep 16


13 cats failing at hide and seek

As good as cats think they are at hiding from us, we know better.

(via wizardskrillex)

general psa: it is totally ok to experiment with your identities


  • there is nothing wrong with going through phases while you try and figure out who you are
  • there is nothing wrong with being confused about who you are. at any point in your life
  • there is nothing wrong with saying you were x identity a year ago and today saying you are something else.

    it does not mean you lied

    it does not mean you were doing it to be trendy

    it means you changed

thats what people do over time: they change

and that’s ok

(via thatweirdo-intheduckieshirt)

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